This year

This has been quite a year. Yeah, I know. Most people don't measure their year from February to February, but I do. It is my sobriety anniversary. It is useful to me to take stock at this time. And it feels right.
I thought I did a lot of standing still this year. But as I take stock this is SO not the case. I've done a lot a work this year. It's been quite a year. What I thought I was going to be doing was a lot of external work, external changes. But no, this was not to be. I did A LOT of internal work, *deep work* as they say. It was difficult. Indeed it was. But it was clearly what I needed to be doing. I did not post about all of it but I did post some. This was the year for working with my codependence and really being able to work with it. It's not like I didn't know it needed done before, but I could never actually do the work and not get bogged down in it or by it. Actual learning has taken place. I know this because teaching is what I do so I know learning when I see it. Behaviour changed. So, learning has taken place. I can see the changes in my own behaviour and I see the changes in the behaviour I get from others. And my expectations and what is okay has changed. If one is not a child. I can also verbalise what it is that is okay and what it is that is not okay and why. These are all good things to have been working on.

I also have been spending the past year creating a new A.A. community. The old one was broken and I tried to fix it and it wouldn't fix so while I still go to the old meetings I have a new community and it is healthier than the old one. I have not severed ties with the old one. I still frequent the most problematic meeting as my first sponsor is there and I go to another meeting with all the old problem people in it because there are many people there who are not problematic and whom I love. But should their problematic behaviour spread to effect the groups I have a supportive community which is not part of the problem. This has been good for me although it was hard and lonely. I also have had two sponsors in the past year. This after having the same sponsor for 15-16 years. This too was difficult but it has been most helpful.

I got a therapist this year. I'm on my second one now because the first one left. Nothing personal he just left. This is something I needed to do for a long time. But I was sure that if I sought professional help I would end up on a locked ward somewhere. I'm still free.

So, while this year has been tough it has also not been what I thought it would be and it has been a bountiful year in the self-growth arena.